I didn't exactly leave you all on the most positive of notes after the last post, now did I? My apologies. I am happy to report that there have not been any other breakdowns since then. I'm keeping it together, even though I still haven't had the chance to get my Bethenny fix in (i'm hoping for tomorrow night when the husband is at the Padre game. Weird... he doesn't like Bethenny. Guess he sees enough crazy living with me).
I got to take out lots of aggression this weekend while we started the demo projects at the new house. I learned that I am really talented at smashing tile. Plus, it's really fun. You just get to take a sledgehammer and beat the crap out of the floor; the tile breaks and the pieces fly satisfyingly across the room. If you need some tile destroyed, let me know. I am now for hire. On Saturday we ripped out the carpet (hallelujah!!), and then Sunday I went to work on the tile. I basically did almost the entire kitchen and entryway single-handedly. Told you I was good.
Unfortunately, once the tile was up, the job was far from over. There is a nasty layer of linoleum under the tile that is practically IMPOSSIBLE to take out. It involved chipping away very slowly with a hammer and a crowbar. 4 of us took turns on Sunday trying to get it to come up and it's still not done. Sigh. Nothing can ever just be easy, can it? Yesterday, I was feeling pretty great about the progress we had made. Then, today, I went to the house and was overcome with defeat. Looking at the linoleum, at the HUGE mess, the dust, the concrete, the unpainted walls, etc. etc. made me feel very overwhelmed. We still have lots of work ahead of us.
Life is always a challenge, as we always have more work to do. Sometimes, it feels like things have to get worse before they can get better. That's definitely the case with our house right now. It looks much, much worse than it did a few days ago, but when it's all done, I know it will look infinitely better than it did and that it will all be worth it.
As Easter approaches, I think we need to remind ourselves that WE are constantly a work in progress. We are never done growing, done learning, done changing. Sometimes we need to remodel ourselves: our souls, our behavior, our outlook. And it's never easy to change. Even if the first layer comes up easy, like the tile, often times we have something else hidden deeper that we need to address. Something that we've kept hidden for years that has become so deeply ingrained in us that is seems impossible to change. It may be fear, doubt, resentment, pain, bitterness, sadness, vanity, pride... I could go on and on. But whatever it is, it's ugly and it needs some updating.
Updating takes time. And hard work. And demolition and dust and sweat and tears. And patience. No matter how much it sucks, because it will, you need to remind yourself that sometimes things get worse before they get better. That if you can work a little harder for just a little longer, you will be SO happy with the results. In the end, it will all be worth it. The moment that we think we can no longer improve or have nothing to change is the moment we stop growing. We become outdated, lose our market value, and all of a sudden we are the house on the block that no one wants. Even though it isn't easy, it is something we are called to do. Remember to pray, ask Jesus for guidance, and ask for help from friends and family. It will all be worth it in the end, I promise.
Now I just need to keep reminding myself of that every time I step foot in the new house. Despite the dust and destruction, I know great things are to come. Until then, I'll keep chipping away at the floors and know that I am so blessed to have so many people to help us throughout the process. If you're feeling bored in the next couple weeks, come on over! The old, ugly linoleum is waiting for you!
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